Kimisms

You know that book called $&*@ my Dad Says? Well, in the book he talks about all the crazy ways his father has imparted wisdom to him. The author describes his father as being "like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair."

Well, I would describe my Mom as Socrates, but louder, and not always entirely sure of everything that is going on around her. My mom is always saying hilarious things, but sometimes what she says is so close to being accurate that it takes you a second to catch on that something in her phrasing was amiss. Here is a sampling of her wisdom.

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When dining at The Redneck Gourmet with my mom, we ordered  eggs, toast, and a whole lot of bacon. My sister-in-law met us there after we were served, and my Mom quickly offered her some food, exclaiming, "We have tons of bacon, they brought us, like, a whole half a cow!"

 When I went down to Orlando for Christmas at my Grandparents one year, my grandmother gave me a nativity scene, since I didn't have one. My mom was playing with the little figurines like they were action figures. She picked up the camel, put it in my face, and said "Mooo!"

 My mom and I were discussing  my habit of reusing plastic bags that I get from the grocery store as garbage bags . She responded by saying "Oh, good. You're saving so many trees." Yes, mom. All those plastic trees are safe now.

I was telling my mom how I have to write a 1000 word essay, and that I was having trouble coming up with the last few hundred words. She reassured me by saying, "Well, you could just increase the font size!"

I bought a set of knives one day. I went home and tried to cut some cheddar cheese, but the brand new knife broke in half (Hahaha, I tried to cut the cheese!  But seriously...). I returned the knives and was telling my mom about it. She said, "How weird. I mean, its not like you were trying to cut a rock or anything." No, mom, I was not using my brand new set of kitchen knives to cut rocks.... that day.

My mom and I were discussing how quickly online movie rentals through Netflix are becoming popular. She asked me, "So, how does watching movies online through Netflix work, anyway? Is there a little man in a room who just waits for a movie request, and then pops in a DVD so you and he can watch it together? O wait, that was stupid. PLEASE don't put that in your blog."

 That's just a sampling of the Kimisms that I have gathered throughout the years. And there will be more to come I am sure. I bet that everyone says ridiculous things like this from time to time; its not just my mom. I say them, too, probably. But most of the time they just go unnoticed or unheard. For some reason, however, they just jump into plain hearing when my mom is talking - - thank God. I would hate to have missed them!